So I read this blog today about this person explaining their concept of love and marriage and how society has skewed this concept and makes people who get married young feel like idiots for doing so. Being young should be about dating around and getting to know people and falling in love multiple times before choosing someone to put a ring on it, according to society. As a person who has lived a life of little commitment and much lust I can say that this approach is probably not the best. One of my best friends started dating a guy when she was 14 and now at 23 she has been married to him for almost 2 years now. When I was younger I viewed what they had as something that did not appeal to me. My perception of being with someone that long to me seemed like limiting your growth as a person and your life experiences. Today I see them still so much in love. They value and respect each other so much and its fascinating to know that it is possible to be so in love with someone who has remained constant and almost routine in your life. Although they have known each other and become best friends, they are always trying new things and go out and have night life fun with others. I see what they have and its beautiful.

My dating life on the other hand has been relationships under a year with a lot of time in between each relationship to talk to many guy and go on dates just to explore. I didnt develop any feelings for more than half of the men I talked to and in others there were qualities that I truly enjoyed and hoped that my future lover with possess those qualities. At the end of so much dating, you combine a list of qualities that you like and another list of things you do not want in a lover. When you finally find someone that you can be yourself with and you enjoy them so much, there’s always that baggage that you take around with them. There’s no way one person can possess everything you like about these people and there’s no way one love can give you the same emotions as another. The only thing that changes is how much you are willing to give to yourself to this person. Perhaps there will be a time that I will love this person more than I could ever imagine and he will be exactly what I want, but for now I can see how my history can be a burden for my mind. I was watching videos of this philosopher named Osho who said he did not believe in the concept of marriage because it was about possession. He said that a woman’s body is erotic everywhere and that marriage would cause guilt and internal problems because the sight of a beautiful woman would make him want to spend time with them. This bothered me because I did not see what was wrong with wanting to be with just one person. As time goes by your lover won’t seem as exciting as new potential lovers because our brain gets used to the stimulus of one person and a new one would definitely cause excitement. However, it is vital to understand that and know that there is something so beautiful being with one person. It is not about being possessive because you can’t possess someone’s soul, however it is a decision to be loyal and dedicated to this person’s despite having lustful thoughts.

Love is a commitment, it requires constant work and its something beautiful to be shared with another. Lovers who get married young may be settling with someone who may not be the best for them, or maybe they may know exactly what love is about. They view love as something simple and pure, and that is much more beautiful than someone who expect love to be unrealistic and that person to be perfect. We are all flawed. The point of love is to find someone we are happy with and can still grow as a person through time. I think my own perception of love is skewed but I’m trying to figure it out little by little.

Original Blog posted by some random person. 

I got engaged at an early age, and though others may scoff at that, I don’t regret it for one minute.
Photo Credit: tarale via Compfight cc
PHOTO CREDIT: TARALE VIA COMPFIGHT CC

Sometimes, people treat me as if I’m insane for getting engaged at a young age. They always fool me into thinking that life is a set of calculations I have to solve before even considering marriage, and I hate it. They think I’m idiotic when I say I don’t have all the answers, but I have a direction and plan. They comment on how I should have everything lined up, and I’m left feeling like my romantic view of love has been zapped of all its wonder and magic.

I start to believe them, that maybe love is more than just wanting to marry your best friend; it’s money, a secure job, insurance, car payments, rent, and all the troublesome things of real life.

This is the problem I have with many views on love circulating around our culture today. Too many people empty love of its fascination, making it more a matter of getting your ducks all in a row instead of sweeping you away in something profound and magical. People blog on the joys of being single, parade around how great it is to be young and not engaged, and talk to those who are engaged as if they’re making a mistake. But in my mind, these views don’t have the right perception of love.

Maybe, we’re against getting engaged at an early age because we believe the wrong things about love.

Call me a rebel, but I don’t think love is dependent on my age. Here are the things I do believe about love, the things that propelled me to propose in the first place:

1. Love is not an end

Some people’s solution to the growing divorce rate in America is to find out who you are and get what you want in life before you enter marriage; that way you’re never left guessing whether you could’ve had more during your marriage. I hate this view. It makes it seems like you have to have everything together before you get married, like marriage is a halt to your ambitions, stopping you from doing what you want and becoming who you need to be.

Love is not an end. It is continuous, encouraging and cultivating us to be more in this world. Love, when expressed in its greatest fashion, is meant to encourage your dreams, not stifle them.

2. Love is not part of a checklist to life

When people talk about life and love, they act as if falling in love and getting married are part of some cosmic checklist to life that everyone has to accomplish. The thing about this view is that when you have checklists, you feel unsatisfied unless you move onto the next thing and cross it off your list. Marriage then becomes a requirement for everyone.

For me, I find magic in the idea that marriage is not something I have to do; it’s something I choose to do. Seeing marriage in this light adds value to what I’m doing, beautifies it by making it a choice rather than an obligation.

3. Love is not determined by age

People say I’m young, and that’s true. But when people say I’m too young for marriage, I oppose that. Maturity and love are not defined within numbers; they’re expressed through manner. Sometimes, maturity is linked with age, but as you grow older, your thinking, your circumstances, and how you position yourself in society define your maturity. If you prove yourself to be ready for marriage, then a number shouldn’t tell you otherwise.

4. Love is not measured by the quantity of your money.

People wait to get engaged until they make a certain amount, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But that’s not my story. In my heart, I was wildly in love with my fiancé, so much so that I couldn’t wait till I had a steady job. What I knew was that when it came down to it, I would buckle down and provide, no matter what that costs me.

If to love is to risk, then let love be measured by risk, not by how comfortable you are.

5. Most importantly, love is an adventure.

Some people live boring love stories, where their relationship is nothing more than a routine of dinner and a movie. When love is viewed as a routine, it’s easy to encourage others not to jump into it at an early age. We tell others to live life while they’re young, but maybe, to love is to live life. Because love, in its right sense, is an adventure, compelling us to live better stories with our lives. It doesn’t make sense to dull love down to habit and procedure. If love is to live to its potential, it should continue to sprout new stories and new journeys, sprinkling our lives with creativity and enjoyment rather than boredom.

Love is the most creative and daring adventure anyone could choose to go on. This means that the only end associated with marriage is the ending to a boring and complacent story.

These are the foundational lessons on love I’m holding onto as I get ready to marry my best friend. They remind me that the only insanity I have is to love deeply and passionately; and in my opinion, that’s the best form of insanity there is.

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