Once again you find yourself confused. Once again you think it’s not for you
Once again you cant imagine yourself over this, and once again you cant see a brighter future
your mind is filled with discontentment and blaming, which quickly fades
into self-pity coated with self-hatred.
Your mind goes through periods of empowerment over illusions you try to feed to your head
which quickly implodes into helplessness and anxiety breakdowns
and you realize how silly you are and you laugh at yourself while crying uncontrollably
What did I do wrong? Am I enough?
Wishing you could turn back the hands of time and make it right
But there is not right, only wrong
But the wrong is so right for this time
and you know things played the way the universe intended
yet you resist
yet you try to accept
filling your soul with self-pity and emptiness
resisting it all till you become numb
till you forget
till years later when you realized you didn’t really learn much
it was all just an experience
gathering tid bits of memories before you lie six feet deep.
Laughing at yourself for suffering for such insignificant things
that meant absolutely everything to you then
but that’s exactly what you wanted to do then,
so you wont stop yourself from indulging in the pain
in these questions and scenarios that torture your soul
suffering is a beautiful part of life, and as it all is…
An experience that fills up your days and mind to your last breath.
And you leave confused, resisting it all, trying to accept.
But always laughing at the absurdity of it all.