Time is irrelevant when it comes to connections with souls. When two people vibrate on the same frequency it is almost impossible to deny that there is a deep understanding of the other person’s soul. Years do not have to pass by to solidify trust in that person and to be able to express yourself so truly and freely that is surprises you. That fluidity and that joy felt within is so rare when we are used to constantly have connections filled with small talk and superficial chatter.

More than a year ago I came to this city, El Paso. I did not even want to interview here and had heard horrible things about this city. When I stepped outside the plane and looked at the fresh, grand blue sky and mountains on my side, I felt free. The air invigorated me and excited me and I felt like all of it was so familiar, like this place was home. From my previous post, you know that I was disappointed and sad, but I never regretted moving here. Despite the superficial connections I made, the city always was magnificent and driving by and seeing the scenery always made me feel calm and alive. All I had to do was hope and have good feelings to attract good people my way.

I have had the amazing experience of connecting deeply with two individuals here and it has been amazing. I feel so blessed and these connections have made me feel electric inside and remind me that this is the reason why I enjoy life so much. There is nothing more beautiful than a raw, real conversation that reminds us how similar we truly are. 🙂

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I have always been an animal lover. Since being a little girl I remember connecting deeply with animals and feeling like they understood me. Some of the strongest and most vivid memories I have of being a child involve my pets and animals. When I was about five I remember there was an ant who could not walk because her feet had been squished. I grabbed a little stick and prodded around her legs separating them and lifting her. I did this so meticulously and patiently that it took me about two hours of just devoting myself to helping this little ant. Finally she was always to stand and walked away from me, completely fixed. I felt ecstatic and so accomplished that I was able to help the little ant.

I had a dog named Osa who gave birth to a litter of puppies. It was late at night probably two a.m. in Honduras and my aunt who knew how much I loved animals woke me up so I could be a part of Osa’s birthgiving. I held one of the little puppies as she came out, and as it rained my aunt, uncle, and I sat there with Osa’s new offsprings. I went to bed so happy and excited to play with the puppies. Osa was a mutt and she loved leaving the house and walking around the beach of La Ceiba looking for things she could eat. I had a cat named Michu in Honduras and I absolutely loved her. She was my favorite. Anytime I was sad or cried, Michu was  there to cuddle with me. I remember how close I felt to her being and even though she did not utter one word, her presence comforted me and I felt accepted and understood by another living soul. When Michu was dying I was devastated. I asked the older people in the neighborhood on advice at how to save her. They told me to make a solution out of milk and lime and feed it to her for 3 days. Michu was clearly dying, but after two days of feeding her the solution she got a little better and I thanked god for giving me my friend back. On the third day however, Michu died and I felt like I had not done enough to save her. I buried her under the sand of La Ceiba beach.

When I got to America I had many pets: cats, dogs, hamsters, bunnies, birds. My mother hated animals because she is a really clean person, but because I urged her to have these little critters in my life she tolerated them. I suffered so much from having these animals because they always died too soon, ran away, or my mother gave them away. I decided to not have any pets for a long time because of that.

Last February I decided to adopt a little cat, something I gave thought to for about 8 months. Getting this cat has been wonderful and she brings joy to my life every day. I am so thankful for her company. However last night, as every single night, as silly as it is, I get really sad that she may die soon. I adopted her old, unknowingly and every single day I fear the day I’m going to have to say goodbye. These thoughts make me extremely sad, and as silly as they are, they happen every single day. I finally analyzed this and wondered why I do not worry about losing my family nearly as much, and came to a conclusion that it is because of my past. I have been extremely blessed by not losing any of my family members so its a fear that I have never experienced (thankfully) so I don’t even know how that would feel, however I have lost many animals before and it has caused a lot of distress. That little girl who weeped for her animals that she truly loved is still alive in me and is scared of losing again.

Many of our actions today are probably based of our childhood. Analyze this and maybe you will find some thought today that relates to a fear or insecurity you had as a kid.

Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.

Anatole France

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.

— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe,

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I am at a state of peace. Nothing seems to worry me and nothing seems to bother me. I am at peace with all that is. I had a situation happen to me that would normally humiliate me, anger me but instead I just shrugged my shoulders and said that it would pass and not to bring negative energy into my day. So I continued having this state of mind uninterrupted. It has lasted me a good two weeks, and I feel joy and balance in my life. Previously before this I felt an emptiness within me and loneliness. I felt so far from everyone I loved and so alone, and after coming out of that I became filled with a huge sense of peace that runs through me. I came to appreciate my loneliness and use the silence that surrounds me to make me grow as a person and instead of filling it with outside noise to grow into a better being.

There really is no good reason to be so content, and there’s so many small excuses I could bicker about but instead I have this brightness in my mind and happiness in my being. I am here, I am healthy, I am alive, and I am full of love. More importantly, I am patient. I am patient for all that will be, and I am content with all that is now. I have more blessings than I deserve and for that I am grateful. I will continue practicing this train of thought and letting my mind be in its most purest and beautiful form. May  ego, worry, stress, loneliness, power, anger, jealousy inferiority not disturb this tranquility I feel in my being and if it does, may I get back quickly to this state of mind.

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So after my first medical exam I went for a small trip in Ruidoso, New Mexico to enjoy a little bit of my freedom. On my way there I read my favorite writer’s book,The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. One of the sentences in his book states that Buddha said that happiness and unhappiness are of the same. I have been thinking about this, especially lately because I can go from a state of joy and belonging to a state of feeling lonely and hopeless. I think part of this recent mindset is because I am having a really hard time finding girl friends here, and I miss that bonding and closeness you feel when you have an amazing friend. All of my really close friends are either in Dallas or Ft. Lauderdale. I just moved to this city so I can’t expect this right away. Also the constant material to learn just makes it so stressful. Being a doctor is hard I’m starting to see that this is going to be a long road. But I chose this and I have to accept it and see the day when my hard work will pay off and I will have intimate relationships with my patients. I need to understand that my happiness and sadness are one, they both stem from each other. The happiest times when I have felt free stem off from days when I felt miserable or heartbroken, and vice versa. I choose not to accept my sadness because it makes me miserable to know that circumstances in my life are sub-par to those that made me happy, and I am truly happy when my circumstances are much better and brighter than those that made me miserable. All of it is related to circumstances, and one needs to understand that circumstances are of a fleeting state, they come and go and change for alas that is life, right? Happiness comes, sadness leaves, happiness leaves, sadness come, but they are one and they stem off from each other. It’s hard to be optimistic when life does not seem as bright and does not seem promising and it is hard to see failure in your future and misery when you are at a state of high and sheer happiness. For our own state of mind, we have to understand the fleeting state of our mindset and emotions and instead of dwelling too much on our circumstances understand that you will have misery and happiness present at the same time, but one follows the other ready to present itself when it needs to be. Accept your happiness and your sadness but know that “This too shall pass.”

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I have been reprimanded by my family a lot for being so trusting of others and my friends have also told me that I need to change and not automatically assume the best of people. This approach to life has honestly worked for me fine, but these past two and a half months of living here in El Paso, I have met some people that have made me feel like perhaps I do need to change. I feel like people haven’t truly been honest about their intentions and maybe I need to stop being so trusting and maybe expect people not to be good automatically. I guess becoming jaded and having trust issues is part of getting older. That’s the beauty of being a child, that inexperience of life and unawareness of the bad side of humanity is beautiful and pure. Humans however learned  which one is the poisonous snake from the one that isn’t as a defense mechanism. As you get older and have more life experiences you develop your own mechanisms to protect yourself and your well-being. If you don’t put some barriers, people can really get to you and affect your mood and make you even question your own self worth. My friend went through a divorce and he told me how he feels unworthy of being loved again, one person made him feel completely unlovable and unworthy of someone’s affection. The only advice I have for y’all is to not let anyone define your self worth, that’s something you give to yourself and is based on what you value from your own character. Material possessions, and even relationships with others shouldn’t define the own love you have for yourself. 

So I accept that I’m becoming jaded,  it’s the course of nature. I have tried avoiding becoming like this, but I feel like I’m becoming more vulnerable so I need to stop trusting in the goodness of people’s intentions. Even though you become jaded of your perception of others, make sure you practice good deeds at all times. “Be the good you want to see in the world” -Gandhi. When you practice good intentions and harbor love for others, their walls will be put down and they will be able to trust you and have real relationships with you and other people. We are all here to have strong human personal connections, and we have to practice being good people so that others who have their guards up can see the beauty in friendship and love. 

Hmmm. He is basically saying there’s no evidence. Whats going on in Syria is disheartening, I try so hard to stop myself from reading articles about it all. It’s just so unfair the extent some people have to suffer. People are evil and are so disconnected from humanity.

It Is What It Is

Published on Sep 9, 2013

9/9/13 — (In Charlie Rose Interview, Assad Invokes 9/11, Threatens Retaliation: ‘Expect Every Action’)

—In an interview with PBS’ Charlie Rose, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad dared Secretary of State John Kerry to present evidence of his responsibility for chemical weapons attacks, and warned of unforeseeable consequences if the United States struck Syria, invoking 9/11 several times.

CBS This Morning aired excerpts of the interview Monday morning, which will be broadcast in full on PBS this evening.

Assad doubted the evidence that his regime had used chemical weapons in a recent attack that left almost 1,500 Syrians dead, one-third of them children.

“How can you talk about what happened if you don’t have evidence?” Assad said. “We’re not like the American administration. We’re not a social media administration. We deal with reality.”

“What Kerry said reminds me about the big lie that Colin Powell said in…

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I have been wanting to write this blog for over a week now. I am feeling restless for sure, so I figured it would be a good time to do so. If I have errors, forgive me I am running on two hours of sleep and a busy day. I met a lady while working the other week. I work at a shoe store and she was not interested in buying anything so I was trying to hurry and clock out so I could go home and get ready for a volunteer event. She asked me what I was studying in school and she quickly found out I was studying to ultimately be a physician. She was a physician herself so we clicked right away. I asked her if she had a few minutes to spare so that we could talk and I could ask her questions about being a female physician. This was definitely one of the best conversations I have ever had with someone.

  I asked her how to deal with arrogant people who try to belittle you in med school. I hate arrogance and instead of seeing it as an insecurity those people have, it really upsets me. Dealing with people like this is vital people they are everywhere in medical school. I don’t know why it bothers me, perhaps because I am a hispanic woman and I feel like my entity represents my culture and there;s a lot of pride in our culture and feel upset when someone tries to belittle me, because I feel like my actions speaks for my culture. It is really illogical to think this way, but it is the way I have felt my whole academic life. She told me to always admit when I was wrong or did not know something and to always stay grounded. Patients will love someone who is simply them and doesn’t let some silly ego get to their heads. 

Another important lesson she shared with me, after I asked her a specific question was on motivating others. I really do not have good relationships with males and often feel like my efforts go to waste. I have tried to motivate my brothers to become good, “successful” men. I have tried pushing my older brother to pursue a college degree and my younger brother to open up a business. After sharing and opening up deeply about issues that have been troubling me and was a bad attitude to have especially as a physician, she gave me more pearls of wisdom. She made me realize that this whole time I have been pushing what I think constitutes a good life, a successful life. I have not asked them what makes them happy, what they want to do. You see often times people around us see this term success different, some people live more for the ego and some live simply for what makes them happy. (some live for god knows what!) When motivating loved ones, let’s make sure we take ourselves out the picture. Whether it is our children or brothers and sisters, we cannot choose their lives. We do not know what will ultimately make them happiest and if we truly love them, we should encourage them to do what makes them happy and what fulfills them. Success is defined very differently for everyone and honestly in America the word is a means to an end. It is as though everyone wants to attain success. For what? Why do you want to be successful? Is this going to make you happy? If happiness was the currency of this country, what profession would you be doing?