Archives for posts with tag: love

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So I have been following the Mike Brown case for weeks now and I find something that shocks me everyday about the case and about America. When justice is an innate part of your being, it is hard not to get infuriated with the state of Ferguson and what occurred there weeks ago.

Before I get backlash from anyone let me summarize it for you guys: The reason why so many of us are enraged is because an 18 year old got shot 8 times when he was unarmed. Whether he stole something, whether his body language was aggressive, the police officers could have used so many different things like body force and taser to arrest Mike Brown. This is justice. Stealing shouldn’t justify someone’s death. And saying that Mike Brown deserved his death for this crime is absolutely abominable.

Same with Kajieme Powell who was screaming “Shoot me now! Kill me now!” while having a knife in his pocket. Could the police not have tased him or used force to put him on the ground to arrest him? If deadly force is the first go-to solution for controlling a black man and bringing justice to this country…well America, you are doing it wrong!

Powell was arrested after he was shot multiple times. Why? Why was Mike Brown’s dead body left out there for hours? Powell gave a powerful message to America. He was a mentally unstable man but perhaps he knew what he was doing. The video shows us that if a police man sees a black man screaming and mad he must be violent and they resort to killing him right away but how can a young white man who shoots a public place or school senseless not be shot down and killed on the spot?

This is not about hatred for cops. This is about hatred for injustice.

This is not about white people being racists. This is about racist people.

What is infuriating to us who support Mike Brown is that people who have been so guarded and inexperienced in life experiences and adversity can claim that racism does not exist. That the lives of people today are not affected by racism and opportunities are not taken away because of racism. That racism is an excuse used by blacks to justify their high jail rates, impoverishment, and overall unequal representation in the nation in terms of power.

The African-American community definitely has its problems. It is a fact that slavery ended not that long ago, that the 60’s was just yesterday and that racism exists today. The scope of history extends for thousands of years and the history of blacks in America has just recently started. You cannot expect generations of enslavement, illiteracy and then little rights to all of a sudden within a few decades to become a generation with a culture that is all about academics and makes their way up to control the system of capitalism.

What really motivated me to write this all is an article talking about Ferguson on the Economist. The comments were so appalling that I decided to give my take on this. This newspaper is meant to be for more educated individuals and the comments reminded me of the early eugenics movement. People still to this day blame genetics for so many things in order for their little brains to ignore all the social, economic, and cultural implications history has on people.

This article is called “The Lessons of Ferguson.” It is a great article, however the comments were so racists and kept saying that black people were inherently dumb and inferior and deserve all these problems because it is all their faults for being inferior. A perfect example of a comment such as the many on these is:

“A race-based quota system is ALREADY in place. The problem is that blacks cannot pass the entrance exam. They cannot read or write. If they cannot read or write then they cannot read the law and apply it fairly, and they cannot write reports that are admitted into the court system.

Blacks are failing in every school system in the US. The reason is genetic and IQ. No matter which country Africans live in, even when attending “enriched” school systems, they continue to fail and have a “flat” IQ of 70…with very few able to read or write above a 5th grade level.

We are different and no progress is going to be made until that fact of our differentness based on genetics is realized and only then will the research come out that will affectively assist blacks and Africans in reaching parity…or as a class, be classified as ‘special’…and accomodations made for them.”

So you are going to tell me that people with this mind set do not exist? And you are going to tell me that racism has no impact on the opportunities and mindset of blacks in America?

So when you want to ask why Mike Brown’s body was left out there, why the police officer was donated more money than Brown’s family, why being black and walking down the street would get you more attention from the police than being white? Why why why can continue for a very long time.

The answer can be definitely linked to this:

Because racism exists today and has been a long part of our beautiful and “fair” American system. If you are not black or other minority you may not experience this and see how it affects you everyday. But to say that it doesn’t exist and impact the DAILY lives of African Americans, you are being foolish and idealistic.

Racism leads people, even highly educated people to think so illogically and unscientifically and then act on those beliefs. For as long as rampant racism exists telling our brains that every young black man is violent (even genetically so) injustice will follow.

So to my Black Americans, understand the state of America but I encourage you to lift each other up, to read to your children before bed and encourage them to seek higher levels of education. To teach them about budgeting money and saving (something my Honduran mom did not teach me and now I’m not the best with money) to get them to be proud of being black and knowing their history but to be eager to change the future of America. If you are already doing this and encouraging the success of the community, keep doing it, you are shaping the future. Let’s use this horrible time in our history to gear up for the future and new history and new ideologies.

For us all, let’s open our hearts and mind to justice and love. If we get thoughts of hate and intolerance lets reason with our brains and let those thoughts leave us and not reflect our actions. As humans were are so alike and all these differences made up by the world, history and egos must be minimized so that we can evolve our minds in order to create a better world for the human species.

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So I read this blog today about this person explaining their concept of love and marriage and how society has skewed this concept and makes people who get married young feel like idiots for doing so. Being young should be about dating around and getting to know people and falling in love multiple times before choosing someone to put a ring on it, according to society. As a person who has lived a life of little commitment and much lust I can say that this approach is probably not the best. One of my best friends started dating a guy when she was 14 and now at 23 she has been married to him for almost 2 years now. When I was younger I viewed what they had as something that did not appeal to me. My perception of being with someone that long to me seemed like limiting your growth as a person and your life experiences. Today I see them still so much in love. They value and respect each other so much and its fascinating to know that it is possible to be so in love with someone who has remained constant and almost routine in your life. Although they have known each other and become best friends, they are always trying new things and go out and have night life fun with others. I see what they have and its beautiful.

My dating life on the other hand has been relationships under a year with a lot of time in between each relationship to talk to many guy and go on dates just to explore. I didnt develop any feelings for more than half of the men I talked to and in others there were qualities that I truly enjoyed and hoped that my future lover with possess those qualities. At the end of so much dating, you combine a list of qualities that you like and another list of things you do not want in a lover. When you finally find someone that you can be yourself with and you enjoy them so much, there’s always that baggage that you take around with them. There’s no way one person can possess everything you like about these people and there’s no way one love can give you the same emotions as another. The only thing that changes is how much you are willing to give to yourself to this person. Perhaps there will be a time that I will love this person more than I could ever imagine and he will be exactly what I want, but for now I can see how my history can be a burden for my mind. I was watching videos of this philosopher named Osho who said he did not believe in the concept of marriage because it was about possession. He said that a woman’s body is erotic everywhere and that marriage would cause guilt and internal problems because the sight of a beautiful woman would make him want to spend time with them. This bothered me because I did not see what was wrong with wanting to be with just one person. As time goes by your lover won’t seem as exciting as new potential lovers because our brain gets used to the stimulus of one person and a new one would definitely cause excitement. However, it is vital to understand that and know that there is something so beautiful being with one person. It is not about being possessive because you can’t possess someone’s soul, however it is a decision to be loyal and dedicated to this person’s despite having lustful thoughts.

Love is a commitment, it requires constant work and its something beautiful to be shared with another. Lovers who get married young may be settling with someone who may not be the best for them, or maybe they may know exactly what love is about. They view love as something simple and pure, and that is much more beautiful than someone who expect love to be unrealistic and that person to be perfect. We are all flawed. The point of love is to find someone we are happy with and can still grow as a person through time. I think my own perception of love is skewed but I’m trying to figure it out little by little.

Original Blog posted by some random person. 

I got engaged at an early age, and though others may scoff at that, I don’t regret it for one minute.
Photo Credit: tarale via Compfight cc
PHOTO CREDIT: TARALE VIA COMPFIGHT CC

Sometimes, people treat me as if I’m insane for getting engaged at a young age. They always fool me into thinking that life is a set of calculations I have to solve before even considering marriage, and I hate it. They think I’m idiotic when I say I don’t have all the answers, but I have a direction and plan. They comment on how I should have everything lined up, and I’m left feeling like my romantic view of love has been zapped of all its wonder and magic.

I start to believe them, that maybe love is more than just wanting to marry your best friend; it’s money, a secure job, insurance, car payments, rent, and all the troublesome things of real life.

This is the problem I have with many views on love circulating around our culture today. Too many people empty love of its fascination, making it more a matter of getting your ducks all in a row instead of sweeping you away in something profound and magical. People blog on the joys of being single, parade around how great it is to be young and not engaged, and talk to those who are engaged as if they’re making a mistake. But in my mind, these views don’t have the right perception of love.

Maybe, we’re against getting engaged at an early age because we believe the wrong things about love.

Call me a rebel, but I don’t think love is dependent on my age. Here are the things I do believe about love, the things that propelled me to propose in the first place:

1. Love is not an end

Some people’s solution to the growing divorce rate in America is to find out who you are and get what you want in life before you enter marriage; that way you’re never left guessing whether you could’ve had more during your marriage. I hate this view. It makes it seems like you have to have everything together before you get married, like marriage is a halt to your ambitions, stopping you from doing what you want and becoming who you need to be.

Love is not an end. It is continuous, encouraging and cultivating us to be more in this world. Love, when expressed in its greatest fashion, is meant to encourage your dreams, not stifle them.

2. Love is not part of a checklist to life

When people talk about life and love, they act as if falling in love and getting married are part of some cosmic checklist to life that everyone has to accomplish. The thing about this view is that when you have checklists, you feel unsatisfied unless you move onto the next thing and cross it off your list. Marriage then becomes a requirement for everyone.

For me, I find magic in the idea that marriage is not something I have to do; it’s something I choose to do. Seeing marriage in this light adds value to what I’m doing, beautifies it by making it a choice rather than an obligation.

3. Love is not determined by age

People say I’m young, and that’s true. But when people say I’m too young for marriage, I oppose that. Maturity and love are not defined within numbers; they’re expressed through manner. Sometimes, maturity is linked with age, but as you grow older, your thinking, your circumstances, and how you position yourself in society define your maturity. If you prove yourself to be ready for marriage, then a number shouldn’t tell you otherwise.

4. Love is not measured by the quantity of your money.

People wait to get engaged until they make a certain amount, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But that’s not my story. In my heart, I was wildly in love with my fiancé, so much so that I couldn’t wait till I had a steady job. What I knew was that when it came down to it, I would buckle down and provide, no matter what that costs me.

If to love is to risk, then let love be measured by risk, not by how comfortable you are.

5. Most importantly, love is an adventure.

Some people live boring love stories, where their relationship is nothing more than a routine of dinner and a movie. When love is viewed as a routine, it’s easy to encourage others not to jump into it at an early age. We tell others to live life while they’re young, but maybe, to love is to live life. Because love, in its right sense, is an adventure, compelling us to live better stories with our lives. It doesn’t make sense to dull love down to habit and procedure. If love is to live to its potential, it should continue to sprout new stories and new journeys, sprinkling our lives with creativity and enjoyment rather than boredom.

Love is the most creative and daring adventure anyone could choose to go on. This means that the only end associated with marriage is the ending to a boring and complacent story.

These are the foundational lessons on love I’m holding onto as I get ready to marry my best friend. They remind me that the only insanity I have is to love deeply and passionately; and in my opinion, that’s the best form of insanity there is.

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I have always been an animal lover. Since being a little girl I remember connecting deeply with animals and feeling like they understood me. Some of the strongest and most vivid memories I have of being a child involve my pets and animals. When I was about five I remember there was an ant who could not walk because her feet had been squished. I grabbed a little stick and prodded around her legs separating them and lifting her. I did this so meticulously and patiently that it took me about two hours of just devoting myself to helping this little ant. Finally she was always to stand and walked away from me, completely fixed. I felt ecstatic and so accomplished that I was able to help the little ant.

I had a dog named Osa who gave birth to a litter of puppies. It was late at night probably two a.m. in Honduras and my aunt who knew how much I loved animals woke me up so I could be a part of Osa’s birthgiving. I held one of the little puppies as she came out, and as it rained my aunt, uncle, and I sat there with Osa’s new offsprings. I went to bed so happy and excited to play with the puppies. Osa was a mutt and she loved leaving the house and walking around the beach of La Ceiba looking for things she could eat. I had a cat named Michu in Honduras and I absolutely loved her. She was my favorite. Anytime I was sad or cried, Michu was  there to cuddle with me. I remember how close I felt to her being and even though she did not utter one word, her presence comforted me and I felt accepted and understood by another living soul. When Michu was dying I was devastated. I asked the older people in the neighborhood on advice at how to save her. They told me to make a solution out of milk and lime and feed it to her for 3 days. Michu was clearly dying, but after two days of feeding her the solution she got a little better and I thanked god for giving me my friend back. On the third day however, Michu died and I felt like I had not done enough to save her. I buried her under the sand of La Ceiba beach.

When I got to America I had many pets: cats, dogs, hamsters, bunnies, birds. My mother hated animals because she is a really clean person, but because I urged her to have these little critters in my life she tolerated them. I suffered so much from having these animals because they always died too soon, ran away, or my mother gave them away. I decided to not have any pets for a long time because of that.

Last February I decided to adopt a little cat, something I gave thought to for about 8 months. Getting this cat has been wonderful and she brings joy to my life every day. I am so thankful for her company. However last night, as every single night, as silly as it is, I get really sad that she may die soon. I adopted her old, unknowingly and every single day I fear the day I’m going to have to say goodbye. These thoughts make me extremely sad, and as silly as they are, they happen every single day. I finally analyzed this and wondered why I do not worry about losing my family nearly as much, and came to a conclusion that it is because of my past. I have been extremely blessed by not losing any of my family members so its a fear that I have never experienced (thankfully) so I don’t even know how that would feel, however I have lost many animals before and it has caused a lot of distress. That little girl who weeped for her animals that she truly loved is still alive in me and is scared of losing again.

Many of our actions today are probably based of our childhood. Analyze this and maybe you will find some thought today that relates to a fear or insecurity you had as a kid.

Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.

Anatole France

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.

— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe,

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I am at a state of peace. Nothing seems to worry me and nothing seems to bother me. I am at peace with all that is. I had a situation happen to me that would normally humiliate me, anger me but instead I just shrugged my shoulders and said that it would pass and not to bring negative energy into my day. So I continued having this state of mind uninterrupted. It has lasted me a good two weeks, and I feel joy and balance in my life. Previously before this I felt an emptiness within me and loneliness. I felt so far from everyone I loved and so alone, and after coming out of that I became filled with a huge sense of peace that runs through me. I came to appreciate my loneliness and use the silence that surrounds me to make me grow as a person and instead of filling it with outside noise to grow into a better being.

There really is no good reason to be so content, and there’s so many small excuses I could bicker about but instead I have this brightness in my mind and happiness in my being. I am here, I am healthy, I am alive, and I am full of love. More importantly, I am patient. I am patient for all that will be, and I am content with all that is now. I have more blessings than I deserve and for that I am grateful. I will continue practicing this train of thought and letting my mind be in its most purest and beautiful form. May  ego, worry, stress, loneliness, power, anger, jealousy inferiority not disturb this tranquility I feel in my being and if it does, may I get back quickly to this state of mind.

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So after my first medical exam I went for a small trip in Ruidoso, New Mexico to enjoy a little bit of my freedom. On my way there I read my favorite writer’s book,The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. One of the sentences in his book states that Buddha said that happiness and unhappiness are of the same. I have been thinking about this, especially lately because I can go from a state of joy and belonging to a state of feeling lonely and hopeless. I think part of this recent mindset is because I am having a really hard time finding girl friends here, and I miss that bonding and closeness you feel when you have an amazing friend. All of my really close friends are either in Dallas or Ft. Lauderdale. I just moved to this city so I can’t expect this right away. Also the constant material to learn just makes it so stressful. Being a doctor is hard I’m starting to see that this is going to be a long road. But I chose this and I have to accept it and see the day when my hard work will pay off and I will have intimate relationships with my patients. I need to understand that my happiness and sadness are one, they both stem from each other. The happiest times when I have felt free stem off from days when I felt miserable or heartbroken, and vice versa. I choose not to accept my sadness because it makes me miserable to know that circumstances in my life are sub-par to those that made me happy, and I am truly happy when my circumstances are much better and brighter than those that made me miserable. All of it is related to circumstances, and one needs to understand that circumstances are of a fleeting state, they come and go and change for alas that is life, right? Happiness comes, sadness leaves, happiness leaves, sadness come, but they are one and they stem off from each other. It’s hard to be optimistic when life does not seem as bright and does not seem promising and it is hard to see failure in your future and misery when you are at a state of high and sheer happiness. For our own state of mind, we have to understand the fleeting state of our mindset and emotions and instead of dwelling too much on our circumstances understand that you will have misery and happiness present at the same time, but one follows the other ready to present itself when it needs to be. Accept your happiness and your sadness but know that “This too shall pass.”

I have been wanting to write this blog for over a week now. I am feeling restless for sure, so I figured it would be a good time to do so. If I have errors, forgive me I am running on two hours of sleep and a busy day. I met a lady while working the other week. I work at a shoe store and she was not interested in buying anything so I was trying to hurry and clock out so I could go home and get ready for a volunteer event. She asked me what I was studying in school and she quickly found out I was studying to ultimately be a physician. She was a physician herself so we clicked right away. I asked her if she had a few minutes to spare so that we could talk and I could ask her questions about being a female physician. This was definitely one of the best conversations I have ever had with someone.

  I asked her how to deal with arrogant people who try to belittle you in med school. I hate arrogance and instead of seeing it as an insecurity those people have, it really upsets me. Dealing with people like this is vital people they are everywhere in medical school. I don’t know why it bothers me, perhaps because I am a hispanic woman and I feel like my entity represents my culture and there;s a lot of pride in our culture and feel upset when someone tries to belittle me, because I feel like my actions speaks for my culture. It is really illogical to think this way, but it is the way I have felt my whole academic life. She told me to always admit when I was wrong or did not know something and to always stay grounded. Patients will love someone who is simply them and doesn’t let some silly ego get to their heads. 

Another important lesson she shared with me, after I asked her a specific question was on motivating others. I really do not have good relationships with males and often feel like my efforts go to waste. I have tried to motivate my brothers to become good, “successful” men. I have tried pushing my older brother to pursue a college degree and my younger brother to open up a business. After sharing and opening up deeply about issues that have been troubling me and was a bad attitude to have especially as a physician, she gave me more pearls of wisdom. She made me realize that this whole time I have been pushing what I think constitutes a good life, a successful life. I have not asked them what makes them happy, what they want to do. You see often times people around us see this term success different, some people live more for the ego and some live simply for what makes them happy. (some live for god knows what!) When motivating loved ones, let’s make sure we take ourselves out the picture. Whether it is our children or brothers and sisters, we cannot choose their lives. We do not know what will ultimately make them happiest and if we truly love them, we should encourage them to do what makes them happy and what fulfills them. Success is defined very differently for everyone and honestly in America the word is a means to an end. It is as though everyone wants to attain success. For what? Why do you want to be successful? Is this going to make you happy? If happiness was the currency of this country, what profession would you be doing?

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When I was a freshman in high school, probably around 14 years old I took a class called human geography, and it changed my life. On the second week of class we learned about doctors-without-border program and it seriously ached to know how many people suffer worldwide. I wanted to help and somehow decided medicine would be the way to do it….ew anyways this is sounding corny as fuck so I will continue with the point of this story.

   I then took on a fascination/obsession with Africa. Basically sub-saharan Africa because it was the poorer section of Africa. I would do interactive map games to learn the country shapes, cities, and everytime. I would read Kevin Ikes the Hot Zone and read news on Africa. I would watch documentaries of the region and forced my sis to take me to watch Tsotsi at an independent movie theater to watch this South African film (which is still my favorite movie) I still dream of the day I can visit South Africa. 

  Anyways, fast forward. When working for unicef in college and educating students on issues about HIV, Polio, malnutrition, human trafficking, basically all the things wrong in the world I felt disheartened. I wanted to see these nations prosper. Fast forward….lately I have been seeing a lot of news saying Africa is improving and here are a couple of quotes from The Economist that just absolutely made my day:

“CELEBRATIONS are in order on the poorest continent. Never in the half-century since it won independence from the colonial powers has Africa been in such good shape. Its economy is flourishing. Most countries are at peace. Ever fewer children bear arms and record numbers go to school. Mobile phones are as ubiquitous as they are in India and, in the worst-affected countries, HIV infections have fallen by up to three-quarters. Life expectancy rose by a tenth in the past decade and foreign direct investment has tripled.”

“Africans deserve the credit. Western aid agencies, Chinese mining companies and UN peacekeepers have done their bit, but the continent’s main saviours are its own people.”

“If aspiring Africa wants a new dream, it should be creating a common market from the Med to the Cape. That would be a boon to trade, enterprise and manufacturing: it would also get rid of much of the petty corruption and save lives. A recent World Bank report pointed out that Africa could produce enough food to feed itself; alas, too few subsistence farmers get a chance to sell their produce (and usually get less than 20% of the market price). Why not rekindle pan-Africanism by opening borders drawn in London and Paris? Africa needs a reborn liberation movement—except this time the aim is to free Africans from civil servants rather than colonial masters.”http://www.economist.com/news/leaders/21572773-pride-africas-achievements-should-be-coupled-determination-make-even-faster?fsrc=scn/fb/wl/pe/aspiringafrica

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Anyways I think this is awesome and I am so excited for these African nations and its people!! 

So let me conclude with this thought? Do you guys think that as a nation, we can overcome poverty and corruption and live peacefully in the world? Or do you guys think this is just a natural process of history, certain nations fall while others rise up??

Do you think there will ever be a time for us to all live for the pursuit of happiness, and our happiness not be determined by the resources and justice within our borders?

Would love to see ya’ll opinions!!! (Yes I live in Texas)